WHOOOOOOAAAAAA NELLY! After 329 days of pain, humiliation, and enough fantasy heartbreak to run a romantic Dungeons and Dragons journey, The TITLETOWN TURTLES AND THE HAMMER C0CKS have finally done it—they’ve won a game. Yes, you read that right. The same team that’s been allergic to victory since Tyler Bowman had a bleached bowl haircut (or so it feels) has clawed its way out of the depths of the waiver wire. Opponents had grown complacent, assuming the C0cks would just keep getting hammered — but this time, they did the hammering. Analysts are calling it “the miracle of the Cock-Off” and fans are struggling to understand why Kirby showed his C0ck a little too early in the trade market. This team scored over 100 for the first time on the season and is rubbing some Egbuka all up in the League’s face. Raise your glasses, fantasy degenerates. The drought is over. The parade is scheduled for Tuesday, attendance is optional and strongly discouraged. The Hammer C0cks showed up in velvet, dunked on the competition, ate some pancakes, and whispered in Kirby’s ear…

B1G C0*K BROCK was all balls but no C0*k in Week 5 as Brock Bowers was replaced by Taysom Hill. Bye weeks, injuries, suspensions, and bad trades. This team has all the excuses this week! Justin Fields and Rashid Shaheed are Boom or Bust players for the fantasy world but those two were the highlight of the week for this team. RJ Harvey is on the other side of the Boom/Bust coin though as he only get 4 carries on the day. Kirby is sporting possibly the best RB’s in the Dubtown Fantasy league though and faces off against a sputtering La Llama Roja next week. Look for a get right game coming up.