Week 1
FOOTBALL IS BACK!
And more underwhelming than ever. Show me a QB who can throw for over 250+ yards please! I thought this was 2024 not 1989 (first Taylor Swift reference of the year for you sickos).
Not to worry, it wasn’t all bad offenses against good defenses. We got Cooper Kupp versus David Montgomery in Detroit for a sick SNF showdown, we got Houston picking up where they left off having possibly the best WR core in the league and we got pick 6’s to the house! Don’t forget the very first dynamic kickoff taken back to the house by Deejay Dallas lookin’ thicker than a bowl of oatmeal. Jameson Williams is probably still celebrating and dancing to make up for his lack of production the past two years. Anthony Richardson threw a ball to the moon and Joe Burrow wishes he could go hide on the moon or maybe he wants to play for Detroit with his Slim Shady haircut. Who said that JK Dobbins was going to get injured getting off the bus to the stadium? Barkley, Mixon… Dobbins! Unfortunately fantasy points only count if you have the player in your starting lineup. CMC owners would take just about anything except a 0 when you can’t drop a player before MNF. That’s a tough way to start the season - with a DNP even though they have known since Friday!
How about the Bears defense with 26.0 fantasy points? How about Chris Boswell single handedly winning the game for Pittsburgh and winning fantasy owners their week matchup with 26.0 fantasy points? This league doesn’t value kickers and definitely don’t value Boswell as he sits on waivers. Don’t you know this guy can punt too?! Brandon Aubrey is out here kicking 66-yarders for fun and I’ve never even heard of Blake Grupe until today. LONG LIVE THE KICKER!
Most of the top fantasy QB’s this week were rushing the football to gain significant points. But there were still some high QB points which is the beauty of fantasy football - it doesn’t translate to the real game. Overall the TE pool was very light in Week 1 as 5 of the top 7 TE’s are on waivers. It will all pick up and come back around. This definitely felt like a preseason week since none of the starters typically play preseason anymore. But we need fantasy points, dammit! No time to wait around for Travis Kelce to get back from vacation.
On another note, Tyreek Hill needs to change his tone. Can’t be out here giving attitude…unless you score 80-yard TD’s then we are cool with you acting poorly in public. Just keep it under 100 mph, please.
MATCHUP OF THE WEEK
Kings stay kings! A, B, Cee Deez Nuts looks like the biggest genius of this whole draft process by taking CeeDee Lamb number 1 overall and leaving the injured CMC to charity. However, it wasn’t CeeDee who won it for the team this week, and it also wasn’t Deshaun Watson who got dropped to the waivers in favor of Jared Goff. Nothing fancy here, but the second highest point total is something that people would kill for, but don’t say that too loud because Alvin Kamara might have some bodies hidden somewhere. Stefon Diggs and Kenny Dub balled out and Chris Godwin scored in the second half to show up for Deez Nuts. Roll on, champ. 👑
Coach Benji couldn’t capitalize on a HUGE Josh Allen performance but boy does this guy know defense! Unfortunately, about half of the fantasy points came from two positions and that’s not going to be enough to take down the champ-champ. JK Dobbins on the bench is a tough look but hind sight is 20/20 and there was no way of knowing that the Raiders were still going to be the Raiders. Good bounce back from the ‘23 season squid. 🦑
FASHION ADVICE
DO
DON'T
TOP ROOKIES OF THE WEEK
Highest scoring rookies in Week 1.
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28.16 Points
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8.6 Points
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19.8 Points
HAVE YOU SEEN ME?
Players in FF starting lineups that didn’t show up in Week 1.
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1.6 Points
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1.0 Points
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0.9 Points
GETS MY DICK HARD OF THE WEEK
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GETS MY DICK HARD OF THE WEEK 〰️
Josh Allen breaking his hand and never missing a snap, hurdling guys, running into linebackers faces, and winning the football game. Gets my dick hard!
OVERREACTION OF THE WEEK
Seeing whose who in Week 1 is damn near impossible. It truly felt like a preseason week. Even for the coaches - we had teams punting from the wrong side of the field and there were multiple coaches electing to kick field goals in the wrong situations. Taking a one score game to a one score game is just ridiculous. But it’s a feeling out process for fantasy and it is going to take a few weeks. Or maybe it’s obvious right off the bat and some of these dudes who have had a good Week 1 are legit for the rest of the year. Is Ladd McConkey any good? Xavier Worthy? Will Marvin Harrison Jr. step up?
Who do I like? I can’t just say that this was a preseason week. Whenever an NFL team wins by 37 points, you have to open your eyes to them, but it’s hard to tell if Carolina is still that bad or if the Saints have some swagger when playing in their new stadium at Home. I thought the Cowboys looked scary against a good Cleveland defense, I think Houston and Detroit have a shot at being next up. But it all comes back to the Chiefs, the 49ers, and the Ravens. These three teams are head and shoulders above most the rest of the league. For fantasy - Jayden Daniels running the football is going to score some FF points this year and same with Josh Allen. Admittedly, Kenneth Walker looked WAY better than I thought he would and so did JK Dobbins. I’d RB2 both of those guys if I had the opportunity.
It’s easy to say that A,B, Cee Deez Nuts 👑 looks good but none of his players went over 20 points. Is it bad that there is no super star on this team or is that a good thing that there is consistency amongst the team? Swag Dahdi 🚒 is riding another year on Tyreek Hill’s coattails but let’s just hope that Tyreek finishes this season without any paternity leave or jail sentences.
Nico Suave, Globo Gym, and Bijan’s Dijon Mostert looked bad bad in Week 1. The rosters are there though and the scoring will only go up. No chance that all three of these teams go 0-2.