Week 7
MR. UNLIMITED!
Everyone owes Russell Wilson an apology! We are talking about a 13-year veteran, 9-time Pro Bowler, Super Bowl Champion, Walter Payton NFL Man of the Year, and Ciara’s husband. You’d better respect that man. This ain’t no Aaron Rodgers old man football. Russ is still QB sneaking and rolling out of the pocket and throwing moon balls to crazy George Pickens. The only thing crazier than George Pickens is Trent Williams punching someone in the head when they have a helmet on. To be fair, he was the second guy and got caught. Pat Mahomes running your teammates over in the end zone will really get you fired up and ready to fight. The Chiefs stay undefeated while the 49ers lose Brandon Aiyuk for the year. Raiders fans surely won’t pick on the 49ers fans after a loss, but the Packers fan has no shame. It’s a lonely island.
MONDAY NIGHT MADNESS! It was all Ravens baby. The leading MVP contender, Lamar Jackson, is unbelievable. If the Ravens lose in the playoffs again, they may go down as one of the best teams or franchises to never seal the deal. We’re talking Jim Kelly… Dan Marino… Lamar Jackson. Have no fear though - Derrick Henry can do it all. He is one of those guys who is just good at everything. That boy can play some football. He can spin left, he can spin right, don't make no difference. He can block, tackle, score the touch down, snap the ball, and kick the extra point. Hell, the boy will fill up the Gatorade cooler, walk the dog, and paint your back porch. I'm telling ya, that boy can flat out play football.
Saquon is running angry, Jahmyr Gibbs has the second most points on the week (behind Lamar Jackson), and Stefon Diggs is trying to fight the entire Packers team! Joe Mixon continues to tear it up when he is healthy, Brock Bowers is on pace to break Puka Nacua’s rookie receptions record (105), and Javonte Williams finally put up some numbers on TNF to start the week off hot for Globo Gym. Matt Stafford became the 20th NFL QB to win 100 regular season games and (believe it or not) he is now 100-111-1 as a starting QB. Man, those 2010’s Detroit teams were bad. The Lions roll to 5-1 on the backs of Amon-Ra St. Brown and Jake Bates the brick salesman from Houston. BOOM!
The Patriots are a “soft football team” according to their coach because they can’t cover a punt return and lost to an even softer Doug Pederson led team. The Titans and Browns continue to be bad, and we may never see or hear from Deshaun Watson ever again after he tore his Achilles this week. Water finds it’s level. But what did Jayden Daniels do to deserve his injury?! His mom says he is fine, but I don’t believe her, I think she’s got money on him for ROTY. Mike Evans and Chris Godwin OUT for extended time is going to hurt Baker’s FF outlook, but at least they have three RB’s on the Bucs. Deebo has an illness with fluid in his lungs and Brandon Aiyuk is an expensive WR out for the year. Jameson Williams is taking PED’s when he isn’t gambling and Marvin Harrison Jr. is SLOOOOOOW.
Some interesting names that we saw at QB in Week 7: Tim Boyle, Andy Dalton, Carson Wentz, Marcus Mariota, and Jameis Winston.
Let’s talk defense - Since Brian Flores joined the Vikings, his defense has only allowed an offense to score 30 points 4 times in 23 games. 3 of those 30-point games belong to the Lions. Sometimes a team just has your number. Beanie Bishop Jr. picks off Aaron Rodgers twice and Davante Adams loses to the Steelers on two different teams in two weeks. Special shoutout to Grant Stuard and Zaire Franklin from the Indianapolis Colts. Stuard had 19 tackles (11 solo) against the Dolphins and Franklin complimented with 16 tackles. Have a cold beer, boys!
MATCHUP OF THE WEEK
Globo Gym 🌍 is on the board! Welcome to the league Globo Gym, it’s been years without a win but that is no longer a problem. Give some love to the early week TNF points from Javonte Williams. Who said that was a bad trade? Benching Patrick Mahomes has never been more popular than it was in Week 7 and Baker Mayfield is taking this FF team in the right direction. Weak receiver play was slowing Globo Gym down but it proved to be just enough. Nearly 70% of Globo Gym’s Week 7 points came from three players - now I’m not saying this was lucky, but I am saying that the Travis Kelce/Pat Mahomes duo was toast after T.S. stopped showing up. A 1-point victory for the Purple Cobras!
Just when Paper Chaser was looking up at the Championship trophy… TWO LOSSES IN A ROW! The Dubtown FF League stepped up to put an end to the hot streak. Dicker the Kicker with 21.0 FF points for Paper Chaser even though there is another team in the league named after Dicker. Aubrey is back next week though and Nick Chubb is also finally back after over a year away from the game. Kyler, Kyren, and 3 receivers are solid players for this team and there will be hell to pay in Week 13 when Paper Chaser meets Globo Gym again.
MONSTER OF THE WEEK
Darnell Washington
Now, I am not a big NCAA football follower and I was not aware of Darnell Washington when he was at Georgia, but apparently he wasn’t much of a stat sheet stuffer anyway. I am NOW aware of this monster after SNF and this is actually his second year with Pittsburgh. Can you imagine 6’7” and 264 lbs. coming down the field at you and he can either lower his shoulder or jump over you. Run, big fella!
TOP ROOKIES OF THE WEEK
Highest scoring rookies in Week 4.
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20.84 Points
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15.2 Points
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19.6 Points
HAVE YOU SEEN ME?
Players in FF starting lineups that didn’t show up in Week 4.
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0.0 Points
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0.3 Points
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1.0 Points
GETS MY DICK HARD OF THE WEEK
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GETS MY DICK HARD OF THE WEEK 〰️
Saquon Barkley absolutely trucking a defender in the first quarter against his former team! Gets my dick hard!
OVERREACTION OF THE WEEK
First of all, I failed to congratulate Chris Lowe last week on hitting the Over on the Week 6 O/U for staying in the group chat. Good on ya. Keep on talking that shit, King!
I think we know who the best teams are in the NFL - Bills, Ravens, Texans, Chiefs, Vikings, and Lions. It’s that simple. I’m not talking about the best records, I’m talking about the best teams. Now they just so happen to have the best records but that seems to add up, doesn’t it? There are going to be some teams who will make some runs and win 4 in a row. The Niners may win 4 in row to come back, the Dolphins could come back with Tua, the Packers, Eagles, and Steelers are going to try to mix it up. But, those are the top teams in the league without hesitation. The AFC has a lot of bad teams at the bottom of the barrel, so maybe it’s an easier road for some of these teams, but the cream always rises to the top no matter which situation.
We have (3) 1-6 FF teams in the Dubtown League! 2% chance, 2% chance, and 4% chance at making playoffs. I’ll just leave it at that. 🤮
Here comes Coach Benji! Coming up through the pack and riding the inside rail as a bigger longshot than Rich Strike in the Kentucky Derby. 3 wins in a row for Benji, 3 wins in a row for Cream Slingers, 2 wins in a row for Deez Nuts, and 5 WINS IN A ROW for Swag Dahdi. We all know what happens to the race horse that shoots out of the gate early and tries to set the pace - he tires out, he trips and breaks his leg, and we put an air gun through his head right there on the race track! Got a lucky 35 from Lamar this week, but don’t expect that shit to last, Pony Boy.
Side note - Dicker Down is sitting players while up 13 on Monday Night? LaPorta Potty is conceding on Sunday at 2 pm? We used to have integrity in this league. Men used to go to war.
Heavyweight matchup next week with Swag Dahdi 🚒 and Paper Chaser 💰! There are NO NFL BYEs in Week 8, so there are no excuses.