Week 6
THE LONDON BRIDGE IS FALLING DOWN!
Caleb Williams is sipping tea with his painted pinky out in the UK where he goes off for 4 TDs and over 50 rushing yards. It seems like he has arrived and fighting for the ROTY against Jayden Daniels. Keenan Allen, Cole Kmet, and D’Andre Swift compliment the rookie QB to a win against the Jags and Doug Pederson. Is Doug Pederson going to cry? Imagine having to eat beans and weenies at breakfast every morning for the next week with your coach who is getting fired as soon as he hits American soil. Better learn to speak UFL, Doug! Derrick Henry with another big game, Tyrone Tracy Jr. has arrived, Jameson Williams is sleeper of the year, and Joe Mixon is no longer injured. On the contrary - Joe Mixon is as healthy as Dr. Fauci, but it’s another case of playing the right lineup for the Wine Mixons.
Nick Sirianni is talking shit, George Kittle is a TD machine, and the Buccaneers scored nearly as much in one game as the Miami Dolphins have scored all year. What a weird box score in the Bucs/Saints game this week - the Saints scored all 27 points in the second quarter and the Bucs win by 24 points. Sorry Spencer Rattler, but we want to see the kid from Danville get some reps. Tampa Bay absolutely went off and Baker Mayfield is out of control good, even throwing blocks down field at the end of the game and after coming out for an injury. Sean Tucker had 7 total rushing yards on the season prior to Week 6 and put up a FF hero performance with 192 total yards and 2 total TDs. No one saw that coming.
You know it’s my duty to point out those TNF points to start out the FF week and Nico Suave put it to the test this week with Tyler Lockett finding the endzone for some cheap waiver wire points. LaPorta Potty and Swag Dahdi are both enjoying a little early week scoring with the 49ers putting the smack down on the divisional rival Seahawks on the road. On the flip side, D.K. Metcalf is expected to be a top receiver but his last two weeks have been tough for Bijan’s Dijon Mostert. D.K. was getting clamped by some rookies and his makeup was smearing onto his nose ring.
The Raiders can’t help but blow any comeback chances that they have and the Browns can’t get out of their own way. Is this a public shaming for Deshaun Watson? They are trotting him out there and designing 3rd down runs for him to consistently fail for the greater good of womanhood! Shame! Shame! Also, did you know that there was a Colts-Titans game this week? Calvin Ridley had some things to say about his target share and it seems like losing to a 39-year-old Joe Flacco will really ruin your mentals.
Jim Harbaugh is NOT dead and Wade Phillips is also still very much alive. UPDATE ON WADE PHILLIPS - he most recently was coaching the San Antonio Brahmas and in 2023 head coach HINES WARD was fired (yes that Hines Ward) and Wade Phillips took over the head coaching job. The Brahmas went 8-3 in 2024 and made it to the UFL Championship. Who knew? Thanks to Jim Harbaugh for almost dying for us to get an update on Wade Phillips.
MATCHUP OF THE WEEK
🚒 We didn’t start the fire! It was always burning, since the world’s been turning. Swag Dahdi keeps riding the David Montgomery engine until the wheels burn off. George Kittle scores every chance he gets and Lamar Jackson is a never ending points machine in FF. The Bucky Irving and Rachaad White handcuff is a smart, big brained play, but this team is known for their bodies, not their intelligence. Zack Moss may be losing his starting position though and James Cook missed the first game of his career. Cause for concern? I would say so as Dahdi has to take on Nico Suave next week with Joe Burrow on a heater.
Bijan’s Dijon Mostert got the performance they were looking for out of Bijan Robinson, but this FF team can’t stop giving up points against. Who needs points against? A, B, Cee Deez Nuts is up next week coming in as the number #2 point scoring FF team in the league. Not much to say when you’re 1-5. It’s a Turtle race to the bottom.
🚨BETTING ODDS🚨
Odds to win the Dubtown Championship through 6 weeks
Swag Dahdi: +250
A, B, Cee Deez Nuts: +300
Paper Chaser: +375
Coach Benji: +375
Cream Slingers: +400
Nico Suave: +500
Dicker Down: +600
F’kn Catalina Wine Mixon: +600
LaPorta Potty: +850
Bijan’s Dijon Mostert: +2000
Titletown Turtles: +2500
Globo Gym: +4500
TOP ROOKIES OF THE WEEK
Highest scoring rookies in Week 4.
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28.64 Points
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19.7 Points
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13.0 Points
HAVE YOU SEEN ME?
Players in FF starting lineups that didn’t show up in Week 4.
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0.8 Points
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3.22 Points
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2.5 Points
GETS MY DICK HARD OF THE WEEK
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GETS MY DICK HARD OF THE WEEK 〰️
George Kittle and Kyle Juszczyk jumping into the opposing teams stands to meet a couple of hotwives! Gets my dick hard!
HOTWIVES OF THE WEEK
Kristin Juszczyk and Claire Kittle
OVERREACTION OF THE WEEK
So many ridiculous penalties in that MNF game. I feel like we could’ve had a classic game on our hands but the refs were all over the place. It was half sloppy play and half sloppy officiating and the whole eye in the sky thing helps but it is taking some getting used to as a fan. You know I love getting a sad Aaron Rodgers face and we got a new one this week where he was scratching the hairs on his chinny chin chin. Maybe Davante will cheer you up, Aaron. I also love Dion Dawkins just trying to fight everyone - why not if you’re 6’5” and 320 lbs.
The NFC North is as legit as it comes and we’re looking at 4 of the best teams in the league in one division. Dallas is so bad. I couldn’t be happier for Jerry and his helicopter on his birthday to lose in such emphatic fashion. They are so bad, and the fact that they are letting Zeke even see the field is exactly why they are bad. Finally, the AFC South has a positive point differential with Houston at +8. I know that was what everyone was concerned about and not just me.
I wanted so badly to give myself MOTW, but we can’t gloat when we beat up on the poor Globo Gym 👀. I’ve got three wins in a row and I’m back on my bullshit, but injuries are going to slow me down as I run into Dahdi this week. I can’t think of a more injured team in this FF league than my team. Paper Chaser is stinker of the week for their first loss on the year and they scored even less than the Tummy Ache Turtles. That’s pretty low! Don’t say I didn’t tell you to look out for Coach Benji. Should we give him the W next week and just move on? Reached out to Coach Benji for comment this week, and they declined the interview. Talk about PR 101.
Special shoutout to Jordan Reyes and Daniel Benjamin for squaring off in a HS football game this past Friday and going to overtime with Cardinal Newman and Windsor football as two of the best HS football teams in the area. A lot of hard work to teach and coach the young football players in Sonoma County. Good luck to your teams the rest of the way.