Week 9
HEADSTANDS!
Saquon is jumping over people backwards, The Sun God and Drake London are doing the Incarnate Word headstand, and Joey Burrow is a TD machine! Derrick Henry is on 2,000 rushing yards watch this season and he is 30 FF points ahead of the second best RB (Saquon - who is also on 2,000 yard watch). Garrett Wilson with a catch of the year candidate and, as always, it’s good to start the week with BIG TNF points. Jaxon Smith-Njigba finds the endzone twice in Week 9 even after one TD catch was called back and he immediately responds with a no doubt TD. Josh Allen goes OFF in the second half to beat the Dolphins with the help of a 61-yard game winning field goal from Tyler Bass. Long live the kicker!
The Chiefs stay undefeated in a battle of the Overtime coin toss! You gotta go for two if you’re the Bucs! Chase Brown and J.K. Dobbins run their teams to victory and even more importantly give Coach Benji some complimentary offense to top off the Garrett Wilson Week! Add Zay Flowers into the mix for a HUGE HUGE scoring week. Jalen Hurts after the BYE in Week 5 has been unbelievable even without the Tush Push. If the Eagles can stay out of their own way, they seem like they are getting back to where they were two years ago.
The Raiders are turning to the backup-backup for any sign of life in their offense and have fired their OC Luke Getsy. The Saints also fired Dennis Allen after dropping 7 straight games. Derek Carr is the second biggest problem on the Saints as he throws hospital balls to Chris Olave. Alvin Kamara in the loss to the Panthers: 29 rushes for 155 yds (5.3 ypc) and 6 catches for 60 yds (215 scrimmage yds). Michael Thomas is popping shots off from his couch with them Twitter fingers while Khalen Saunders thinks he should play QB! Love some good drama that doesn’t include Aaron Rodgers for once.
7 of the top 12 TE’s in Week 9 sit on waivers with some unlikely names out there. It may be time to take a shot at the matchups in the upcoming weeks to throw a dart at TE to win some cheap FF points. LaPorta is not getting it done this year, Engram had stone hands in week 9, and Kyle Pitts looked like his old self.
Trey Hendrickson had 4 sacks and a forced fumble, Myles Garrett with 3 sacks, and Kamren Kinchens takes a 103-yard interception back for a TD. The Chargers defense went off in FF for 19.0 points to help Bijan’s Dijon get a dogshit and fraudulent win.
Ass! Side group chats from the Tumz BOIZ showing what some league members really think about the teams in the Dubtown League. Keep the hot takes coming in hot, but back it up with the play on the field! Leaked text messages are accepted as long as it is warranted. The Tummy Ache Turtles aren’t good enough to even mention the name of my team and Sleepy in Seattle needs to get his weight up and his points against down.
MATCHUP OF THE WEEK
No Deebo? No problem, for Dicker Down! But what about no Dicker? He’s got a Puka, a Brock, and a Tank…anyway…none of them matter. Kareem Hunt jacked Globo Gym’s bike right at the end of the MNF game even though the blind refs looked the other way on the obvious false start. Bo Nix has been an incredible rookie QB this year with solid FF play and Jahmyr Gibbs is one of the fastest guys in the league! Puka Nacua was ejected for a bitch slap and Brock Bowers is TE #2 in the league even with only 2 TDs on the year. Slow and steady strokes for Dicker Down - all you need is 15 points from each player to get a win and get above .500 in the standings. 15 good pumps is all it takes to reach the climax sometimes. Week 10 calls on Swag Dahdi 🚒 with a fresh George Kittle and DD will be without Brock Bowers on BYE. Good luck…
The 3 headed QB monster! Somehow Globo Gym chose the right QB and finally put Pat Mahomes in the game, but what’s with rostering multiples QBs? Mahomes already had his BYE week. Maybe this team is less of a monster and more of a troll. Week 9 looked up in the air when Patrick Mahomes injured his ankle, but he and Travis Kelce kept pushing and kept Globo Gym in this matchup. Derrick Henry is going to absolutely will this team to a couple more wins this season but we need some supporting cast over here. Ladd McConkey ain’t gonna do it, but maybe AJ Brown will help? Oh wait…
WHO’S HOT? WHO’S NOT?
The winning and losing streaks around the Dubtown FF League.
Cream Slingers - 5 wins in a row ⬆️ 🔥 (after starting 2-2)
Coach Benji - 5 wins in a row ⬆️ 🔥 (after starting 1-3)
A, B, Cee Deez Nuts - 4 wins in a row ⬆️ 🔥 (after starting 3-2)
Titletown Turtles - 7 losses in a row ⬇️ ❄️ (after starting 1-1)
Paper Chaser - 4 loses in a row ⬇️ ❄️ (after starting 5-0)
Nico Suave - 3 loses in a row ⬇️ ❄️ (after starting 4-2)
TOP ROOKIES OF THE WEEK
Highest scoring rookies in Week 4.
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19.86 Points
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17.0 Points
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13.9 Points
HAVE YOU SEEN ME?
Players in FF starting lineups that didn’t show up in Week 9.
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1.6 Points
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1.9 Points
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2.4 Points
GETS MY DICK HARD OF THE WEEK
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GETS MY DICK HARD OF THE WEEK 〰️
Deandre Hopkins hitting the Remember the Titans celly after going from a terrible team to the Super Bowl Champs! Gets my dick hard!
OVERREACTION OF THE WEEK
Here come the Falcons! When Kirk Cousins is protected, he can be one of the best QB’s in the league. Mix in Bijan Robinson and the Falcons deserve a lot of credit from where they were last year. The Falcons should win the division and get a home playoff game and they could easily make a run at these playoffs. I also owe the Ravens some more respect after I said that the Lions and the Chiefs would be in the Super Bowl. The Ravens have the 3rd best offense ever measured by DVOA after 9 games! With that being said, it seems like an open race to be the best in the NFL this season. The Eagles are hot right now as well, but might need some more big wins to solidify everyone’s trust in their team.
There goes the Bears chance this season. Caleb Williams is too inconsistent and too inaccurate even with the sure hands of Keenan Allen. DJ Moore doesn’t seem bought in at all and I have to think he sees the incompetency of head coaching with a rookie QB and doesn’t want to risk a knee or a hammy. The Houston Texans have some issues that they need to fix and Nico Collins might not be enough to save the season, but they still sit in a good spot if they can win 10 games you never know what’s going to happen come playoffs.
The Cowboys are done without Dak and it looks like the end of the run for McCarthy. Whatever. I won’t lose any sleep. Good luck with Jonathon Mingo.
A, B, Cee Deez Nuts, Cream Slingers, and Coach Benji ARE PULLING AWAY FROM THE PACK! Dahdi got that ass waxed this week by who?! LaPorta Potty?! Oh NO! That can’t be good for his coaching mentals. I mean, his name is LaPorta Potty! And you can’t put up 90? What is this team without Kittle?
Paper Chaser, Nico Suave, and Dicker Down all have legitimate shots. I truly believe that! Whichever team comes out with the BYE from the East has a shot. I think all three teams are solid but have been too low scoring to get more than 5 wins. That can all change in the playoffs. For now, the West is winning.
Editors note:
Remember to practice compassion and stay patient regardless of your beliefs this week. Be respectful to everyone in a stressful time. Fantasy football is our outlet from our day to day lives and we can all enjoy having a stress reliever in something that is not that serious. Life is good! - KB