Quarters
DISCLAIMER - I lied last week, I thought I was burnt out on this but I am back and writing in full.
MVP MVP MVP!
Who said that Saquon Barkley was this year’s NFL MVP?! That honor is solely attributed to one Mr. Josh Allen - Quarterback of the Buffalo Bills! 2 more rushing TD’s, 2 more passing TD’s and over 350+ yds for Allen as they put a whooping to Detroit. Jared Goff was receiving MVP chants as well and since Week 10, when he threw 5 INT’s against Houston, he has been on the level of an MVP candidate. Goff is the first player in NFL history to throw for 400+ yards, 5+ TD passes, and 0 INT in a LOSS. MCDC wishes that he didn’t onside kick with 12 minutes to play, but it’s that LION in him that just wants to put a hat on the ball and play some smash mouth football!
Lamar Jackson said “King Who? King me!”, Mike Evans is a hall-of-famer, Davante Adams is making acrobatic catches, and Brandon Aubrey is kicking 70-yarders! We still haven’t seen a 70-yarder go in, but Sebastian Janikowski is somewhere in Poland with a shit eating grin on his face. Davante Adams had 135 rec yards in the final 4 minutes of regulation, the most by any player in a game this century. Chase Brown looks like the future and the Bengals get a cheeky win over a bad team, but Joey Burrow is NOT happy! Joe Burrow says they should’ve won by fifty, and he is not wrong.
Josh Jacobs is running like he is trying to get away from the Raiders. Someone tell him that Mark Davis can’t hurt him anymore. Show us on the doll where he touched you, Josh.
Amon-Ra St. Brown is not underrated by any means, but he is wildly consistent and doesn’t get enough love. That’s your #2 FF WR on the year and he gets 18 targets in the game for the second time this season. James Conner is another one quietly having himself a top-10 season and he was drafted in the 4th round of the Dubtown draft. That’s the beauty of the game, you don’t know who will remain solid and consistent.
Chief’s D, Bengal’s D, Bronco’s D, Texan’s D, Pakcer’s D! We’ve got D that even Coach Benji can get behind. Pause. Hold the D - this is a family channel. Just saying that this is the FF playoffs and we need these types of performances from the other side of the ball. Play your matchups wisely.
Patrick Mahomes is getting helped off the field, Josh Allen is getting x-rays, Jalen Hurts broke his finger, David Montgomery is DEAD, Geno Smith is hurt but practicing, Alvin Kamara is undergoing further testing, Saquon Barkley went to the blue tent, Jaylen Waddle is still standing on the sideline, and A.J. Brown has a hurt ego. Injuries are apart of the game but not in FF! Not in FF playoffs! Rub some dirt on it and get back out there.
The Niners and the Rams no-showed on TNF in Week 15 with Dicker Down and LaPorta Potty feeling the wrath of the 49ers poor passing game. Travis Kelce and King Henry with sub par games for Globo Gym this week and Tyler Allgeier was unnecessary. Carrying 3 QB’s on a FF roster is CRAZY. Don’t forget about Marvin Harrison Jr. Is he good, is he bad? I am not sure but his profile picture freaks me out.
MATCHUP OF THE WEEK
Cream Slingers with a statement win! First year in the league and it’s no bologna from the new guy as he sends Coach Benji back to Weenie Hut Jr. Cream Slingers heard the rumors that he had a boring team and ran Mike Evans out there to save the season! Jalen Hurts and Justin Jefferson have been so good all year long and if this FF team wants to win it is going to be on their coat tails. The Broncos D with a pick six from Nik Bonitto as he says “HOLD MUH DICK!” Gonna need more out of Kyle Pitts moving on but the big brain play to bench Tony Pollard pays off this week and the Cream Slingers move on to meet Swag Dahdi 🚒 in the Semis.
FUMBLLLLLEEEEE! What would Tim McGraw say to Jonathan Taylor? “Can’t hold onto the football?!” “Let me just beat the piss out of you after I’ve had eleven whiskeys!” In some professional opinions, it was not Jonathan Taylor’s fault at all, but it was Zay Flowers instead. Coach Benji couldn’t seem to find the right week to play Zay Flowers and it hurts him in the Quarterfinals. Josh Allen played hero ball but it was Cade Otton’s regression and J.K. Dobbins getting hurt that proved too much for this FF team.
Photo credit by Greg Kirby
MATCHUP OF THE WEEK
King Kirby 👑 rules the league and there is nothing you can do about it! Alvin Kamara catches a TD pass from a WR, A.J. Brown is back on good terms with Jalen Hurts, and CeeDee Lamb is the #1 overall pick of the Dubtown 2024 FF League! Across the board showing from this team in the first round of the playoffs and that is what it takes to keep moving forward. The top kicker in the league, Boswell, is a player that Paper Chaser could only dream of. You can’t tell me that Paper Chaser is really going to trot out Kyler Murray against the King 👑 and expect anything but the worst. In a land of Tyranny, you can’t just be chasing the money, you need to rule over the system that creates the money. Kirby to the Championship.
Dicker Down had a great showing from his RB’s in the Quarters but Bo Nix showed his rookie colors and the Broncos didn’t need the offense in a blow out week. Brock Bowers could have played savior on MNF but again the game can’t be left up to a rookie to save the season. Puka Nacua is a first round pick in next year’s draft and Deebo Samuel might not even get drafted. The last team into the playoffs is the first team out. Way to show some fight that most other teams in this league didn’t even attempt.
🚨 FAT GUY TOUCHDOWN 🚨
Dan Skipper lined up as a Tight End and breaking out to catch the TD pass! Run big fella!
TOP ROOKIES OF THE WEEK
Highest scoring rookies in Week 15.
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23.64 Points
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13.3 Points
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28.5 Points
HAVE YOU SEEN ME?
Players in FF starting lineups that didn’t show up in Week 15.
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3.4 Points
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3.4 Points
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3.3 Points
GETS MY DICK HARD OF THE WEEK
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GETS MY DICK HARD OF THE WEEK 〰️
T’Vondre Sweat with the 30-yard fumble recovery and the HUGE stiff arm! Run big fella! Gets my dick hard!
OVERREACTION OF THE WEEK
The Raiders suck. They suck so bad. The Raiders suck like Mia Khalifa in 2012. Keep in mind that I am writing this in the second quarter and I don’t know the outcome of the game, but… come on… we know the outcome. The Raiders couldn’t have got more fucked in the NFL draft this year, but you can’t convince me that Michael Penix was the answer anyway. In fact, I would’ve loved to see another lefty on the Raiders and watch their fans try to blame a rookie QB again as if he is the big problem for the franchise. In fact, I think they got a cop-out this year by being able to say that they were screwed from the start because they didn’t have a clear #1 QB. I am not sure if those two things contradict each other but I don’t think that Raiders fans know what contradict means anyway.
con·tra·dict
/ˌkäntrəˈdik(t)/
be in conflict with.
"that evaporation seems to contradict one of the most fundamental principles of physics"
Sorry, that seems a bit too logical - let’s get back to overreacting. I’ve got the Eagles to win the Superbowl. They have the swag, they have Saquon and they can go for it on almost any fourth down or goal line situation. Did you see them run the clock out this weekend?! 21 plays and over ten minutes. 14 running plays. I love it and I think it’s nice to see a team just bully people and not give a fuck. Not to mention that Brandon Graham is a certified psychopath and could at any point break a running backs hip. I’ve been on the Vikings all year but they aren’t going to get the 1 seed and they don’t do it for me in the confidence department.
The NFC has the most fun playoff watch and the most teams in the hunt but I guess that just means that there are more mediocre teams out of the NFC. I’d love to see Washington get in and I’d love to see Tampa get in. Baker Mayfield would be electric in the playoffs - yelling and mother fucking people as he throws lead blocks. I am not a football guy but in an alternate universe I’d like to think that I was a Baker Mayfield type of player. This is the same universe that Chris Lowe is a Sleepy college kicker and we are at the same keg party where he tells people, “yeah, I am on the football team too”.
Speaking of Sleepy Lowe - really putting the wax on that Turtle shell this week. See you in the loser’s bracket championship. Titletown Turtles won in Week 2 and in Week 10. That’s 2 months between wins and then crickets.