Semis
BACK TO BACK TO BACK!
The Chiefs and Patrick Mahomes roll to 14-1 on the year on a bum ankle and mediocre WR’s! Defense is the name of the game and the Super Bowl Champs have the QB play plus the hardcore defensive unit. KC with 9 tackles for a loss and two sacks against CJ Stroud and the Texans. Tank Dell goes out for the year and straight to the hospital to make sure his arteries are still artering. Someone ask the TikTok doctor what type of drugs Tank Dell is going to get for his leg almost falling off! Pass the Courvoisier, brotha.
The Redskins Football Team Commanders get ten wins, the NFL pulled Jalen Hurts out of the game, and Keenan Allen is averaging over 20 FF pts in the last 5 weeks. Some would say that it’s cocky to start Keenan Allen and frankly, we’re all here for it. Jayden Daniels is the first rookie in NFL history to throw for 5+ TD’s and rush for 50+ yds in a single game. If we get no Baker in the playoffs this year, Daniels might be the one to watch and to shock the country in the first round. The Lions are the ones to watch right now though - doing fake stumbling plays because they are too bored and too good that they need to make it more difficult on themselves.
Jonathan Taylor and Anthony Richardson are the first RB-QB duo in NFL history to rush for 200+ and 70+ yds respectively in a single game. If only Anthony Richardson could throw the ball, they might be onto something! 43.8 FF points out of Taylor this week but it’s one week too late for Coach Benji. Sam Darnold and the Vikings are onto something this year and they are going to be forced to pay Darnold if they want to keep Justin Jefferson in Gucci and gold. JJ is only second to Jamar Chase who is over 1,500 receiving yds, a Bengals’ franchise first. Chase is on the way to winning the triple crown this season. Joe Burrow continues to make history with the most consecutive games with 250+ passing yds and 3+ passing TD’s (7) in NFL history. Eat your heart out Tom Brady, this guy knows super models too.
Matthew Stafford didn’t fill up the stat sheet but the Rams control the NFC West, Isiah Pacheco is dunzo in KC, Brian Robinson looked like a rookie fumbling the football, and something is wrong with Cooper Kupp. Dorian Thompson-Robinson being in the football game over Jameis Winston is criminal and needs to be investigated. I’m talking Woody Harrelson and Matthew McConaughey level of investigating on the Browns. Give the people what they want and let Jameis go crazy and reckless.
MATCHUP OF THE WEEK
Quick, what’s the number for 911?! Swag Dahdi 🚒 goes off the top ropes and put’s the smackdown on Cream Slingers coming fresh off a first round BYE in the playoffs. The entire team hits double digits in FF pts led by James Cook and Keenan Allen. No David Montgomery, no problem. Bucky Irving is the clear number 1 back in Tampa even as the Bucs lose a crucial SNF game. The fireman benches Tyreek Hill in a gutsy move by the big guy and runs Jordan Addison out there who scored a TD and is now the #16 FF WR on the year. Addison was a 9th round pick in this years Dubtown FF draft and saw three different teams in the league before Swag Dahdi decided to lock it down. Bowman moves on to the Ship.
Sometimes you’re the bug and sometimes you’re the windshield. This week Cream Slingers ran smack into the 18-wheeler that is Lamar Jackson. Jalen Hurts went out early with a concussion and the Broncos D has been good all year but went cold at the wrong time. Chuba Hubbard and Justin Jefferson helped carry the team this year but Mike Evans couldn’t find the endzone in the Semi’s for the new guy. It seems that Reyes is no longer the new guy and has put his stamp on the league and locked up a top 4 finish on the year. It can only go down from here.
MATCHUP OF THE WEEK
Kyler Murray and his little legs run Paper Chaser into the FF Championship game with a Semifinals victory over Deez Nuts! It just goes to show that a piss poor NFL performance can still turn into good FF points and we will take it every time. 21 points from Brandon Aubrey and 15 out of the Packers defense this week to add to big games from Kyren Williams and Ja’Marr Chase. KY heard the talk about East Division being light and he stood on business. Cooper Kupp is suspect at the moment and Breece Hall runs into Buffalo in Orchard Park next week in the biggest game of the FF year.
A, B, Cee Deez Nuts got bit by the injury bug and the Trey McBride can’t score a TD bug in the Semis this week. CeeDee Lamb and A.J. Brown were not good enough to save the season for this team and it’s not going to be a 3-peat this time. Kirby starts the clock back at 0 and whether or not he will recover and return to former glory is a question for the future. Steph Curry, Michael Jordan, Tiger Woods, Pete Weber, Greg Kirby.
TOP ROOKIES OF THE WEEK
Highest scoring rookies in Week 16.
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35.42 Points
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16.7 Points
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25.7 Points
HAVE YOU SEEN ME?
Players in FF starting lineups that didn’t show up in Week 16.
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2.2 Points
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3.0 Points
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3.1 Points
GETS MY DICK HARD OF THE WEEK
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GETS MY DICK HARD OF THE WEEK 〰️
Luke McCaffrey holding it down for the skinny white guys with 6 kick returns for 184 yds. Run white boy! Gets my dick hard!
OVERREACTION OF THE WEEK
The Commish wants to hear about the Packers and maybe it’s justified. But give me a break - you beat Spencer Rattler. Only an idiot would bet on the Saints in December at Lambeau. Jordan Love only plays well during Toyotathon and that shit is coming to an end right before the Wild Card weekend. The Packers can’t beat a good team. Losing to the Lions twice, Eagles, and Vikings. You know what that means? Can’t show up when the game is competitive and matters the most.
The 49ers need to pay Brock Purdy. To even consider to not paying him is ridiculous and anyone trying to blame the season on him or use it as a reason to not pay him is out of their mind. I don’t know where the Niners went wrong this year. Injuries, maybe? Super Bowl hangover? It’s hard to sustain greatness, but the Golden State Warriors had 4 years between championships, the New England Patriots had 10 years between Super Bowls, the Houston Astros had 5 years between World Series. Now I understand that the Niners didn’t win the Super Bowl but the point is that there is time to bounce back.
The Dubtown FF Championship is clear cut. No Brainer. Undeniable. Obvious. Explicit. Dahdi by 30.
I mean that guy sent a throat slash video to Reyes last week. He’s unhinged. He thinks he is a WWE superstar. It’s that type of insanity and confidence that you need to win in this league. Look at Kirby, he doesn’t give a fuck and that’s why he wins. Put this guy KY in a casket like he is Mark Henry!